You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
