Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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