Is it because I queefed?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
