I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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