I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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