this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
