My underwear smells like fireworks.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
