Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
