i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
