Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
