I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
