So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
