i permit you to call me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
