I love black thongs
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
