That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
