His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
