I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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