I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
