My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
