walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
