I cockslap morals
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
FUCK WHALES
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
