I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
