His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she smelled like a LAN party
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
