I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
