You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
