Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
