why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
