So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
