if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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