you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
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i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
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well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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