he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
