Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
