Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
