Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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