i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
