His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
