i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
