He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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