I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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