Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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