Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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