I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
