Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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