I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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