you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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