what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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