wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
