Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm like, not good at living.
Damn victory sex feels great
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
