I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
