yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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