I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
