Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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