That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
