honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
