i just google imaged poop.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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