To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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