I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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