I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
