piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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