My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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