Who wears a wallet chain?!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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