I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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